


anxiety

by yawniverse



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: And you love him, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Social Anxiety, dont let anything get you down., he loves you, you're loved., zen being the soft baby he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 19:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15298641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawniverse/pseuds/yawniverse
Summary: don't bother anyone. it's not worth it.this is what you keep telling yourself. you have a panic attack once you reach home, but decide against calling zen for help. you don't want to bother him too, do you?but what will he do when he sees through your façade?→ one shot





	anxiety

_**anxiety**_

_you can’t wake up, this is not a dream._

“I’m sorry.” I apologise into the phone, biting my lip as I receive more blows, over and over again. I run my hand across my temples, pressing against the bridge of my nose. “I… just can’t focus nowadays. I don’t know what’s gotten into me or what’s wrong with me. Either way, it’s my fault. I’ll try my best next time.”

“Don’t disappoint me or anyone else again. Don’t let us down. Or all you’ll be useful for is a bad example.”

I close my eyes, trying to calm down the flipping sensations in my stomach. “Okay. I’m sorry.” I end the call, slipping my phone into my pocket. I run my fingers through my bangs, groaning.

_Why are you even still trying? You're just making a fool out of yourself._

_Pathetic._

—

I increase the volume on my earphones, trying to drown out the suffocating feeling of everyone’s eyes on me. 

_Breathe. It’s nothing, I’m just imagining it._

My heart refuses to believe my mind, and thuds even faster against my chest as my hands start to become clammy. 

The subway doors open, and I can finally breathe again as I run out. I walk home quickly, fumbling with the keys as I try to find the right one.

_Fuck! Which one is it?_

My breathing becomes unsteadier as I try to open the door, tears filling my eyes. 

_I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this._

The door finally opens, and I slam it closed once I enter, dropping my bag to the floor and sliding down against the door. I bring my hands up to hold tightly around my chest, where it hurts. I try so hard to comfort my breathing as my mind just curses at me more and more.

The walls start spinning slowly, and I hold my head, trying to think of anything else. 

_Distraction… distraction…_

I look at my phone. Should I… call Zen?

No. I’m not going to bother him. I immediately pull the rubber band around my wrist to snap against my arm, hissing in pain but my mind relaxes and my heart beat slows down as the physical pain distracts me from my overflowing thoughts. I do it again and again until my breathing is regulated again. I look down to see reddish underbruises covering my whole forearm. 

_Pathetic._

I sigh, getting up and changing and going to bed to distract my thoughts. 

—

I wake up from the pleasing sound of his lovely, deep voice.

“Babe! I’m home!” I get up in the bed, looking at the time. It was almost time for dinner.

“Hi Hyun.” I smile at him, giving him a gentle kiss. “How was your day?” I ask, helping him out of his jacket. 

He starts talking about his new exciting role, and looks so happy as he smiles so beautifully. 

_He looks so happy._

_Would be a shame to ruin that with your meaningless breakdowns, now wouldn’t it?_

“How about yours, babe?” he asks back, and I almost jump. “It was great.” I say smiling as he pulls me into his embrace, nuzzling against my cheek. I’ll keep it to myself. I don’t want to burden him. I laugh with him, pushing back his bangs to place a kiss on his forehead. 

“Go take a shower. I’ll set up movie night!” I say, smiling as I head for the TV. He nods and heads off, chuckling. 

He’s so precious. I don’t deserve him at all.

—

“I’ll go get us some refills.” I wiggle out of his side hug and take the bowls and head to the kitchen to fill it with popcorn. I tuck my hair behind my ear as I wash some dishes and wait for the popcorn to heat up in the microwave. 

“Babe.” Zen is suddenly behind me, hugging my waist tightly. He sounds slightly serious and my thoughts start screaming at me. “What’s wrong? You don’t seem yourself today.” He asks, placing his head on my shoulder. 

_Don’t tell him._

“What are you talking about? I’m completely fine.” I smile back at him, turning around to face him and rub my thumb against his cheek. 

“I can tell from your eyes. Something’s wrong isn’t it? You’re not telling me something.” He asks, cupping my cheeks with his hands. “You’ve been zoning out a lot today.”

I’m not giving in. I can’t afford to. 

“I’m just tired today.” I say, trying to avoid his eyes. 

“Please tell me.” He pleads, and my eyes slide down to my hand which is holding his cheek. The sleeve’s sliding down, showing the pink slashes. I immediately pull my hand down slowly as to not raise suspicion, smiling. “It’s nothing to be worried about, trust me.”

“Show me your arms.” He says seriously, and I start sweating as my heart starts pounding hard. 

_Why would he want to see? What if he saw? I put my hand down too fast, it was too obvious! I’m such a stupid idiot-_

“W-Why?” I accidentally stutter, trying to keep up my smile. “I’m fine.”

“Show me your arms, y/n!”

My eyes widen. His eyes harden and look concerned. I reluctantly lift it up to him, looking away. 

He pulls the sleeves down, and his eyes widen. “Why did you do this? You know you can talk to me about anything right?” He kisses my arm before pulling me into a hug against his chest, enveloping me in his warmth. 

“I-I…” I look down. “I’m fine. It’s really nothing to worry about. Don’t get worked up over it. I’m just being over dramatic, it’s really nothing serious.”

He puts his finger on my chin, lifting my head up to look at him in the eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong. I’m always here for you, you were there for me when I needed you too. This isn’t something ‘not serious’. You hurt yourself, and I wasn’t there to stop you. _Please_ tell me. You don’t understand how much you mean to me.” His eyes narrow as he rubs his hand against my back. 

_I'm hurting him._

I'm such a mess-

I unknowingly let out a sob against his chest, and soon, I can’t stop the tears from coming. I’m crying so uglily against him, my hands clutching the shirt of his fabric. “Shh, it’s okay.” He runs his fingers through my hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you, I just-“ 

He cuts me off, hugging me tighter. “You don’t need to apologise.” Kissing the top of my head, his next words shake me to the core. 

“It’s not your fault.”

—

“Breathe in.” “Breathe out.” “Breathe in.” “Breathe out.” He says it slowly, kissing my neck and patting my hair. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, and I nod my head slowly, rubbing my eyes. He runs his fingers across my jaw, looking at me adoringly. “You wanna talk about it?” 

I tuck my hair behind my ear, and avoid his eyes. 

“I- I had a panic attack today.” 

I bite my lip. “I’m so pathetic, right?” I laugh. “I had a horrible day today, and I just… I thought of what a useless burden I am, and how I can’t handle anything, and how I’m just so petty and I don’t deserve anything people do for me. I’m just so tired. So tired of having to act all happy for everyone, I don’t know if I can-“

“You’re none of those things. You’re the most perfect person in my eyes. I’ll love all your imperfections, even if no one else can embrace them. You deserve everything that anyone does for you because you’re so worthy of it. You’re not pathetic. Everyone makes mistakes. You shouldn’t blame yourself for everything. Don't hurt yourself over them. You’re beautiful, and matter so much to me, y/n,”

“Please don’t hurt yourself anymore. Call me whenever you need me. I’ll try my best to be there for you. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know how I would have gotten through the whole echo girl situation. I was at my worst, but you still saw the best of me. And I won’t hesitate to do the same thing. You don’t need to act happy around me. I want you to be yourself. If anything is wrong, just tell me. I want to help you.”

He links his fingers with me. “I love you, and if you ever need me, please tell me. I won’t hesitate to show you how much I care.”

I feel more tears slipping out, but they’re tears of adoration, love. He means so much to me, how would I have gotten through today without him?

I hug him tightly, embracing his warmth. I bury my head into his neck, taking in his scent, which calms me down. “I love you too, Hyun.” 

I kiss his lips gently, “Thank you. You’ll always be my hero.”

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic for this sweet baby boy. hope you like it :) 
> 
> → the lyrics at the start is from halsey's 'gasoline' in case you wanted to know :)


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